Lost Innocence - Chapter 4

Just prior to starting school, I had my very first accident.

I was at my grand parent's home, where I climbed onto the sink unit. It was one of the old fashioned Belfast sinks, with built in cupboards that was painted light blue, and had oval knobs.

Whilst climbing onto the sink to get a glass of water, I lost my balance and fell between the knobs.

I landed on the knobs at full force, which wedged me between them, where I had then trapped my testicles.

I let out an almighty scream, which sent mother running to my aid.

"What on earth is going on?" She said.

I just gripped onto the sink with all of my might, still screaming.

Mother loosened my grip from the sink, and pulled me off the knobs.

She then pulled down my trouser's, where she checked me over.

"You are alright Peter," she said. "There is nothing wrong. You have just had a nasty fall.

The knobs had grazed the inside of my thighs, up towards my groin.

Mother did not think I had done much damage to myself, as apart from the grazing, there was no other indication that I had severely hurt myself.

It was not until six years later, that I would find out just what damage I had done to myself on that day.

When I was six years old, my uncle came back on the scene. It was more frequent than weekends now.

The odd fondle that had happened when I was three and a half, started to develop a little more.

Today, I still ask myself why did I not see that what had happened was indeed wrong.

when I was with my older brother, uncle did not seem to touch me as much. Just the odd crafty touch, when no one was looking; or when he gave me a big hug.

But he did still try to persuade me to stay with him, by offering me money and sweets.

If I did not want to play in the fields, then I would stay with uncle.

As a child he always used to promise to take me for a ride in his big lorry, or to play with his train set; or even give me extra pcket money.

My uncle was an easy touch, and a generous man. As we could all get money out of him to spend in the shops on sweets, because we used to say that it was not fair that he gave the older one's more than us.

With that, uncle used to give in and treat us all the same.

On the other hand, when he did touch me. I did seem to get more pocket money anyway. It was like a reward.

And as I was told many times before, 'I was his special little boy.'

So maybe that is why, I got more pocket money from him.

Uncle's train set, was out of this world.

He had a full scale model, with mountains, trees, stations etc. Where he had lots of trains, all going around at the same time.

By the time I had got to see uncle's train set, he had moved to a much larger house, and one that was directly around from our Sunday school. He was so much closer now, than before.

It is also not wrong in saying, we loved uncle. Brother's and sister's alike. We adored him.

He would take my sister's into town sometimes, so as not to favour us boy's.

He did share his affections to us all, and spoilt us all in his own way. He just never touched my sister's, in the same manner as he touched me.

He was a very kind and loving man, and he helped mother out when she was rushed off her feet. He would take us boy's out one weekend, and next weekend he would take out the girls. That is if they were not occupied by boys, or girly things.

As my older brother now had friends of his own, in his age group. Most of the time when it came to taking us boys out. It was generally just my younger brother and I, and nine times out of ten it was just myself.

You offer a child a day trip, extra pocket money or sweets; and they are going to take them. No questions asked.

besides, it was a family member offering and not a stranger.

You never imagine that, what a member of your family is doing is wrong; as I know you trust them no matter who you are. Or what age.

So being treated like this, was no different to being given a hug from mother and father. It was their way of showing they loved you. And growing up we were shown a lot of love, in so many different ways.